When some beer drinking couch potato wants to sit around on a Saturday night all alone, because he can’t get a date, and watch SportsCenter on ESPN… good for him. When a sports network wants to give endless amounts of television time to one athlete who is about to break a record within the world of Major League Baseball I have no problem with that either. If they all want to pretend they are doctors serving as the vanguard against performance enhancing drug use by children, they are acting megalomaniacally but there is no real harm done.

Barry Bonds, like his father Bobby Bonds, is a Baseball Player. In the grand scheme of things the greatest goal he could ever have aspired to would be to accomplish the kinds of things Jackie Robinson did by using sports as a grand metaphor for life and bridging the gap on issues of race or class. He could also have tried to emulate Curt Flood who broke few records but is almost single-handedly responsible for what is now known as player free-agency. Flood’s contribution to the world was responsible for one of the largest transfers of wealth from the idle rich to the working poor in modern history.

Bonds did none of that. Instead he set his sights on what he felt was a more lofty goal, hitting a small ball over a fence with a stick as many times as he could. He became so addicted to and focused on the task of hitting a ball over a fence with a stick that he decided to have quasi-doctors inject his body full of harmful chemicals designed to enhance his ability to hit a ball over a fence with a stick.

All of that has lead us to this moment in history when a man who has surely reduced his life expectancy by decades is now at a point where he has hit a ball over a fence with a stick as often as any other major league baseball player ever has /yawn. If he breaks the record, race relations will not improve, class warfare will not be quashed. The United States will still be mired in a war for no reason against inhabitants that never asked for our help nor wanted it. And, like the wealthy Mr. Bonds, the rest of the top 1% of earners will continue to widen the gap as a new gilded age is ushered in on the backs of working class people who slave away at two or three jobs just to subsist or to maintain necessary health benefits for their families.

When Barry breaks the big record, perhaps there will be a moment of hope. Surely some fan in the crowd will claw and scratch his way to the record breaking ball that Barry hit over a fence with a stick. He will do that because the ball will be worth over a half-million dollars to sports memorabilia collectors.

Like a dog desperately seeking scraps from the table of its master he will fight off all other would-be ball collectors and, as has been the case in the past, he will even go to court if necessary to secure his rights in a $3 round piece of leather and twine. The fan will do all of that because Barry hit one over the fence with a stick for the 756th time and because it is that fan’s single greatest chance of accumulating economic stability and a sense of financial security for his own golden years when neither universal healthcare nor social security nor his memories of famous home-runs will protect him from poverty as much as that home-run collectible will.

Does ABC World News Tonight, MSNBC, FOXnews and every other supposed real news entity in print, or electronic media really need to give day by day account of what a steroid laden 40+ year old man can do with a wood stick and a ball as compared to the height of a fence? Perhaps they might focus at least a fraction of their attention on the question of why so many fans who claim daily on sports radio to despise what Barry Bond’s cheating has done to the game they love will be the same dirty creatures crawling around the beer-soaked stands viciously trying to get their grubby hands on Barry’s ball like impoverished Charlies wishing to find a golden ticket in their one and only WonkaBar.

The news media’s fascination with do-nothing-trust-fund-girl Paris Hilton has been out of control for quite some time. The major networks cover her appearance at a dance club or a concert with as much gusto as they ought to be devoting to the illegal wire tapping of American citizens, resurgence of Taliban in Afghanistan, toning down of standards at American military training bases or some new medical breakthrough. Saying to the news media that Paris Hilton is not newsworthy is a platitude, however now this twisted obsession has began to encroach upon the intellectual blogosphere as well.

Video and pictures and commentary have sprouted up throughout the blogosphere to examine the fact that Paris Hilton was caught on videotape crying in a car while being transported to jail. How can that possibly be news to anyone but Paris Hilton’s immediate group of friends and family?

Is it news that someone cried before being incarcerated? Is it news that someone who lived a life of privilege broke the law and was punished for it? To give you an idea how far from being news this is; I asked fifteen people who are reasonably sentient citizens of our society about this story. All fifteen knew Paris Hilton was going to jail and that she cried on camera. All of them had seen the video. Not one of them could describe the charges filed against her, the circumstances of her trial or any abnormality in jurisprudence relating to her case.

All they could recall was this:

Some of you may know Paris Hilton was recently arrested… how many of you know what she was arrested for? The news went wild with stories about her. Not so much about the the crime or the facts of the case, just about the fact that Paris Hilton was arrested and might have to spend a few weeks in minimum security prison.

Even before she was convicted, with apparently no interest in whether or not she should be convicted, the news began showing the cell she might reside in juxtaposed with video of her enjoying the nightlife. This was not a matter of legal interest or public interest, it was purely one of prurient interest aimed at getting viewers to daydream about a hot young teen in a jail cell like some late night unrated movie about jailhouse babes being shown on the Cinemax channel.

It makes sense that blogs devoted to celebrity banter, personal blogs by individuals expressing themselves or blogs produced by people who actually know Paris Hilton - might want to spend some time talking about her recent arrest. That should not extend to blogs that want to be considered newsworthy intellectual analysis of the world we live in. Have you flipped through the more noted “intellectual blogs” that claim to be providing news and analysis of the human condition on this planet? It seems now they too have become infected with the disease of misfocused interest as Paris Hilton’s meaningless existence spreads one step closer to omnipotence.

The latest spat between co-hosts Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Rosie O’Donnell on the daytime television show The View has gotten a tremendous amount of media coverage. It has been the subject of entire segments on media outlets as far reaching in their political leanings as Fox & Friends and MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann. It has also found its way into traditionally non-political venues like People magazine. Can it really be true that these two loudmouth idiots with no grasp on factual reality are having the most meaningful public debate in the minds of many Americans regarding the Iraq War? Take a look at this video from their show this week:

Since the conflict began there have been arguments for and against American policy passing each other aimlessly on the airwaves like ocean liners in the dead of night. Fox News takes the “for the war” position and beats the drum as loud as it can to resonate with those who agree with their point of view and MSNBC does the exact same thing from the opposite perspective each day and night on their own network. Strangely, as the two sides never seem to appear in the same place at the same time, no meaningful debate ever gets put before the public.

Even in political circles, all Republicans at their party’s primary debates are uniformly for the American presence in the region and all Democrats at their own party debates claim to be uniformly against it. Since neither side is ever in the same room with the opposing point of view, nobody has to answer any meaningful questions and nobody is ever held accountable for the flaws in their own beliefs.

It seems as if some people have decided that if somebody might not agree with them, rather than risking the possibility that their own views might be challenged and overcome by a more persuasive opposing viewpoint - they actually feel they are better off saving their comments until they are in a room full of people who think the same way they do. Instead of changing their own failed opinion, they prefer to change the people they are speaking with. This kind of systemic idiocy is not only ridiculous on an intellectual level, it leads to absurd outcomes like these two morons from The View seeming to be great minds of the new “Idiocracy” we are now living in!

Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck are, in my strong opinion, not qualified to speak with any expertise on the topic of war, politics, the ethics of combat, the difficulties troops face… and most other topics of importance. One is an idiot who finished 3rd on a reality TV show where she stopped eating for weeks until her hair fell out because she wanted to win the grand prize of a few hundred thousand dollars. The other is a comedian whose biggest claims to fame are her constant self-pity over being overweight and her overly proud attitude for being a lesbian (there is nothing wrong with being a lesbian, but anyone who truly favors equal rights understands that being a lesbian does not entitle you to any more praise from others than being heterosexual would).

Yes, that’s right. Two idiots, who are on television only because real programming that requires writers and scripts is too expensive to produce, actually began discussing the war and forcing each other to at least acknowledge opposing positions about the war. Rosie intelligently brought up the fact that some media outlets have disingenuously claimed she is “against the troops” for questioning the duality of being both an occupying force in Iraq while claiming the inhabitants are terrorists. Elizabeth succinctly pointed out the face that Rosie should not expect others to defend her point of view when they don’t agree with it just because they are both paid by the same production company.

Now, to be sure, this was not a high level cabinet meeting or significant United Nations debate about the future of the region. This was not even particularly interesting television programming. However, it seems to me that the public is now so starved for some kind of analysis which requires speakers to at least address the views of their opposition that even these two ill prepared twits were able to garner tremendous attention by attempting to do so.

This is not a call for the return of yelling matches like CrossFire was before Jon Stewart shut them down. This is a call for politicians, pundits and the populace to look around at the sad state of debate in this country and do something to bring it back as a mainstay of our country’s strategic discourse. Without politicians who at least acknowledge and directly respond to each other’s point of view, the public can never have an apples to apples comparison by which to decide their vote. If you are waiting for one during a Presidential debate, just keep in mind the fact that the National League of Woman Voters refused to sanction the last presidential debate because the two political parties had choreographed the rules of the show to such an extent that neither candidate was allowed to address the other or to respond directly to each other.

Can it really be, that Rosie and Elisabeth are more likely to hash out agreements on The View than presidential nominees are to reach meaningful definitions of agreement and disagreement about a war that is costing American lives daily at a rate even greater than The View is costing brain cells to commit suicide within its audience?

The video shown above has not been enhanced or doctored in any way. It appeared live on ABC television over the past weekend and it shows exactly what happened to Kyle Busch’s car during Saturday’s NASCAR Busch Series race at Talladega Superspeedway. Did you notice anything surprising at the end of the video clip?

The typical news story has been: “Busch was in second place as the field drove off Turn 4 on the 2.66-mile oval to complete Lap 27 of the 117-lap Aaron’s 312 race. The Nextel Cup star suddenly darted up the banking as he prepared to pass Casey Mears for the lead. Two-time Cup champion Tony Stewart, in third, followed and appeared to hit Busch’s car. Busch then bounced off the car driven by Mears and turned across the track and into the wall. Busch’s car was on its side as it struck the outside barrier, then skidded on its roof down the banking and onto the grass infield, where it began barrel-rolling as flames erupted from under the hood. Stewart and Mears were both able to continue.”

Shouldn’t the real News have been something more like: “Today, a car going over 200 miles per hour struck a concrete wall and slid on its hood for several hundred feet before it tumbled through a series of barrel rolls while on fire… the driver climbed out the window moments after it came to a halt; he was able to walk away under his own power with little more than a headache and a sore shoulder”?

Seriously, if a car can endure a crash like this and leave the person inside it completely uninjured, isn’t that far more important to the average person’s life than who won a race or leads in some idiotic points standings?

Imagine going down the highway in your Toyota Camry and having a head-on collision with another car. To match the force of going 200 miles an hour into a concrete wall as Mr. Busch did, you would have to be going approximately 90-100 miles per hour straight into an oncoming car of equal weight which was going 90-100 miles per hour in the opposite direction.

Who here thinks if that happened, that they and the driver of the other car would each be able to climb out their driver’s side car window to walk over to each other and exchange insurance information while waiting for the police to arrive with accident report paperwork?!

If an accident like that ever happened - you would be so dead, the other driver would be so dead… heck, your families would be lucky to find enough pieces of you to fill a shoe box for your burials. I understand that NASCAR vehicles are specially made race cars built to go excessive speeds and constructed better than consumer cars.

I know that they are far more expensive than consumer cars could ever be for mass market appeal - but if one of them can handle 200 miles per hour into a concrete wall and several flaming flips… can’t we reach a point where consumer cars can handle the standard 60-70 mile per hour accident without the driver having to spend weeks in the hospital eating through a straw?

It would be nice if the “News” at least examined the issue and tried to find out what consumer car crash standards differ so widely from race cars and investigated what improvements could in fact be made to the safety of the vehicles most people drive…. instead of worrying so much about how this will affect the standings of this year’s NASCAR leader board.

You may have heard of Alec Baldwin. He is an actor. Some people think he is a very talented actor. He apparently has a daughter and he is embroiled in a custody battle with his ex-wife who happens to be a model named Kim Basinger.

If you know all of the things mentioned in the prior paragraph you may want to consider starting a class action lawsuit against any number of media outlets that have caused you to waste your mental resources learning these facts of infinitely small importance.

Your brain, no matter how bright you are and how well exercised it is, has a limited amount of memory space within it on a fundamental level. Just like your computer hard drive being filled up with email spam or junk files your idiot relative from the boonies sends you as chain letters, your brain itself can become overloaded with meaningless Alec Baldwin drama plot points to a level after which it fails to handle meaningful information as effectively as it should.

How is the media’s deterioration of your mental capacity any different from an asbestos manufacturer’s deterioration of your lung capacity? Put simply - it isn’t, and it should be just as actionable in our legal system. The public airwaves do not differ from the public air to such an extent as to protect one polluter and not another.

Warning - The Following Video Clip Will Destroy Approximately 20megabytes of your brain capacity irreversibly once you watch it

The video clip above and others like it should all be marked with a Surgeon General warning. In fact, anything produced as part of the TV show The View should come with a warning in advance and should only be accessible to adults over the age of eighteen.

If you think adult movies, cigarettes, alcohol, firearms or violent video-games are not suitable for minors; how in the world can you reconcile that viewpoint with the idea that children of any age are allowed and in fact encouraged to sit in front of a TV set each day watching “safe harbor” programing like The View so that they can brush up on their knowledge of Alec Baldwin blunders when they could instead be doing something far better with their time: like getting drunk while smoking in bed holding a loaded handgun and watching a porno movie playing wide-screen on their television.

You may think I’m being sarcastic but in fact I am not. Sarcasm would require “A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound” according to Dictionary.com and I assure you there is nothing ironic meant by what I have written.

Given a choice between growing old in a world run by people who grew up learning about video-games, human sexuality and the joys of being drunk - or a world run by people who know what Alec Baldwin called his daughter during an irate private phone call, I would definitely prefer the horny drunken smokers were given the chance to lead for a while.